And again with the scenarios!
by Omega4
Summary: Skits involving everybody's favorite boys. good lord. call the men in the white coats. 'I'm innocent officer, I swear!'
1. FIB's and a protest letter, ala Duo

THIS PRODUCT BROUGHT TO YOU BY KRAFT FOODS, INC.  
  
On the other side of the fourth wall, a trio of bored teenagers sat on the roof of a garage. Picture that old coke ad, without the coke. They had Jolt. More caffeine.   
  
Alexis: wedgie fudge, Mati, I need more Jolt.   
  
(matias grins and hands her a jolt. Well, actually, it's probably jolt mixed with vodka, but since all three of these kids are underage in every country, we'll just skip that.)  
  
Shinichi: *pondering the stars…* have you ever noticed that the stars are REALLY shiny? They remind me of that time we glitter painted Blue's hair. All…. Sparkly… with a dark background.  
  
(Matias and Alexis look at him strangely.)  
  
Matias: holy shit, that actually made sense…  
  
Alexis: woooow.   
  
(they all go into The Stoners Gaze Of Discovery ™)  
  
Alexis: Hey, Mati, New scenario! Duo, Trowa, Wufei, Heero, Gang member Quatre, FIB's and lame Austin powers rip offs!  
  
Matias: ok…  
  
Shinichi: and a good healthy dose of yaoi. Go!  
  
Meanwhile, on the _other_ other side of the fourth wall….  
  
Trowa: *sings happily, while sitting on the john* I ate cake. And I went poopy… HEY! I didn't have corn today!  
  
Heero: *ignores Trowa.* duo, what the hell are you writing?  
  
Duo: A protest letter! * duo brandishes said protest letter before starting to write again.*  
  
(please note quatre's gang-type clothes at this point in time. …. Noting…. Thank you.)  
  
Quatre: wut you writin bout, foo?  
  
Duo: I'm writing to the FIB's, complaining about their damn tolls!  
  
Heero: the FIB's?   
  
Duo: Fucking Illinois bastards. (AN- sorry Illinois ppl! I don't really thing that about you! well, I think that about the FIB who nearly ran me over the other day, but hey!)  
  
Trowa: damn tolls?  
  
Duo: ya'know, the ones between Wisconsin and Illinois!  
  
All but Duo: Ooohhhh!  
  
Heero: *sarcastically* oh, that helps. Where the hell is Wisconsin?  
  
Duo: you know, you have a point there… where the hell is Wisconsin?  
  
Quatre: *having reverted back to his old self.* Wufei might know.  
  
( duo leaps out of his chair and sprints to the bedroom)  
  
Duo: Oh, Wufles!!!!   
  
(duo throws the door open, only to find…. WUFEI DOING NUDE YOGA!!!!!! Whee, just picture it will you? …. Picturing….. now grab some tissues and press them to your now bloody nose.)  
  
…….  
  
( the door slams shut, behind Duo.)  
  
……..  
  
Duo: OH, GOD, WUFEEEEIIIIII!!!!!  
  
And back on the _other_ side of the fourth wall…..  
  
Alexis: *drools*  
  
Shinichi: *nose bleed*   
  
Matias: heeheehee hee…. hahahahaha… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Alexis: *clamp- style eyes, the picture of innocence.* Mati, will you show us exactly _how_ Wufei was doing nude yoga?   
  
( Shinichi grabs more tissues)   
  
Matias: Caff… caff… splutter…faint….  
  
Alexis: heheheheheh…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
THANK YOU FOR EATING KRAFT FOODS.  
  
All: what the hell does kraft foods have to do with anything?!?!  
  
IT HAS TO DO WITH A LOT OF THINGS, STUPID MORTAL. WUFEI AND DUO USED E Z CHEESE MADE BY US, FOR INSTANCE.  
  
(all stare at Wufei and duo.)  
  
Wufei and Duo: shut up.  
  
HAHA. FEEL THE POWER OF MY OMNIPOTENCE.   
FOOL. 


	2. Jackalope's and scissors escapde

THIS PRODUCT BROUGHT TO YOU BY COOL WHIP ™.  
  
Alexis: God damn it, not this again!  
  
Matias: yeah! Who do you think you are?!?  
  
Shinichi: The neon green jackalope of doom?  
  
(Alexis and Matias look at Shinichi veeeery slooooowly.)  
  
Matias: Oh. My. God. Look at her butt. It is, like, soooo big!  
  
Alexis: it's the attack of the giant ass! The jackalope is coming! Repent, ye sinners!  
  
Matias: Alexis, you're Jewish. You don't _do_ the whole 'repent, ye sinners' shtick.  
  
Alexis: all righty then. I love you too.  
  
Shinichi: (looking at his butt) I do not have a… *sob* ….. BIG BUTT!  
  
Matias: *sings* I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get *WHACK*  
  
Alexis: Friggin' sexist.  
  
Matias: Heee~eey!  
  
AHEM. AND NOW ON TO OUR PREVIOUSLY SCHEDUULED FIC. WHICH IS STILL BROUGHT TO YOU BY COOL WHIP ™ .  
  
A long time ago (a week and two days from last Tuesday) a very strange thing happened. Alexis Josephine Ford cooked an edible meal. Even if it was instant ramen. This really has nothing at all to do with our story, but she wanted to let you know of her triumph in the kitchen. Now, our heroin… I mean HEROINE…. Faces a new challenge….  
  
Alexis: I WANT A SEX CHANGE!!!!!!  
  
Matias: You say that every month. You know, you could just take some Tylenol for those cramps.  
  
Alexis: shut up. My pain you know not.  
  
Shinichi: YODA! Yodayodayodayoda!  
  
Matias: *sighs* would a scenario make you feel better?  
  
(Alexis nods, looking very much like a wet cat, or a put off bunny, or a kindergartener home with a tummy ache.)  
  
Matias: OK. Shinichi, bring coffee.  
  
Shinichi: COFFEE! Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
( Shinichi scampers to the kitchen.)  
  
Matias: give me stuff to work with.  
  
Alexis: *looking considerably brighter* Duo, Wufei, Dorothy, an outdoor café and the SCISSORS FROM HELL! *thunder clap*  
  
Matias: and a good healthy dose of yaoi?   
  
Alexis: yep! Ready, Go!  
  
On the other side of the fourth wall, a seemingly innocent event is taking place. Unless you notice Wufei's lovely French maid get-up that is. Duo has just sat down at a table at an outdoor café, where Wufei the French maid is waiting to take his order.  
  
Duo: hey, 'fei-chan, how come you never wear that outfit at home? *winks suggestively.*   
  
Wufei: because _I_ am seme(1) in this relationship. That, and the authoress wants to give you a really bad case of blue balls. (2)  
  
Duo: No fair. I hate being uke.(3)   
  
Wufei: *smirks* you certainly liked being uke last night, _and_ this morning.  
  
Duo: *blush, grumble grumble* that was different!  
  
Wufei: what do you want? …. And you have to pay, even if I have to sit on you to keep you here.  
  
Duo: *grinz* please do!  
  
Wufei: hush yo mouth, biatch.  
  
(duo sticks his tongue out.)   
  
Duo: I want miso, pork cutlets, edamame, fillet mignon, and a veggie burger.  
  
Wufei: why they veggie burger?  
  
Duo: they taste good. And Japanese hamburgers are crap.  
  
Wufei: all hamburgers are crap.  
  
Duo: and a scissors.  
  
Wufei: a scissors?  
  
Duo: Dorothy's coming this way. I need a weapon.  
  
Wufei: right. She's almost as bad as the pink and orange and blue rampaging hippopotamus we had last week.  
  
( Dorothy sidles over to the café and sits at the table right next to duo's.)  
  
Wufei: Here. *extracts the SCISSORS FROM HELL and holds them high so duo can admire them. * Attack, puppy.  
  
Duo: *now he is holding the SCISSORS FROM HELL on high.* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –gasp- HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA- gasp- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
( Duo tackles Dorothy and tries to cut of her (cough*atrocious*cough) eyebrows.)  
  
Duo: Why…. Won't… you… DIE!?  
  
Dorothy: eeeek! Get it off! Wuffie-baby!   
  
Duo: *GASP!* WUFFIE_BABY?!? Wufei is MY man, slut!  
  
*Duo bitch-slaps Dorothy.*  
  
Dorothy: You little skank! Wuffie-baby is mine!  
  
*Dorothy bitch-slaps Duo.*  
  
Duo: Zechs' whore!  
  
* Duo pulls Dorothy's hair.*   
  
Dorothy: owwwww! Air Mattress! Boy- in- every- port!  
  
*Dorothy pulls duo's hair.*  
  
Duo: I am NOT a flight attendant! Bitch! NEVER touch my hair!  
  
*Duo stabs Dorothy repeatedly with the SCISSORS FROM HELL.*  
  
Dorothy: dammit, you killed me, you prostitute! *dies.*  
  
Duo: HAHAHA! I win! *holds the bloody SCISSORS FROM HELL aloft.* Wufei! Gimme a winner's kiss!.... Wufei?  
  
(Wufei is nowhere to be found.)  
  
Duo: WUUUUFEEEIIIII!!!!!!! *sobs*  
  
(please notice, with duo, as Wufei is dragged, bound and gagged, into a car WITH ILLINOIS PLATES!)  
  
Duo: NOOOOOOO! Gimme back my Fei-chan! DAMN FIB'S!!!!!!  
  
(duo chases the car into the sunset, but runs out of breath right around Kewanee.)  
  
Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FEI!  
I WILL AVENGE YOU! FIB'S, PREPARE TO MEET SHINIGAMI!!!  
  
And back on the _other_ side of the fourth wall, Matias finishes his story, and Alexis finishes both cups of coffee. Don't blame her, she has cramps!  
  
Alexis: good story, Mati. I especially like the part with the Scissors.   
  
Matias: *beams* thank you.  
  
Shinichi: SNORE! The jackalope is coming. SNORE! The jackalope is coming!  
  
REMEMBER, EAT COOL WHIP ™, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BROUGHT YOU THIS STORY!  
  
Alexis: I'm not even gonna start.   
  
(shinichi looks up at her, his face covered in Cool Whip ™, clutching an empty Cool Whip ™ container guiltily.)   
  
Shinichi: Heheheheheh…. The jackalope made me do it! I swear!  
  
  
  
Authors Notes: (yay!) thank you soooo much for reviewing Ellie Maxwell! (I thought your fic was absolutely hilarious, sorry I couldn't review, my comp was being screwy.   
  
And as for you D…. Screw you! but thanks for the flame, and the compliment. You're gonna get a nice big hug when school starts.   
  
Here's a challenge for anyone who wants it: It must be Gundam Wing, it must be either Yaoi, or couple-less, and it must include the following: Wufei, Heero, Duo, a playgirl magazine, Sailor moon anime reference, pokemon reference, Noin, alcohol, a video camera, and a purple leather thong. Have Fun Minna-san!  
  
(1) Seme- that mean's Wufei's the… ah… aggressor in this relationship. As in, he's on top, he has his….ok then, I think you get it know! *Blush*  
  
(2) Blue balls…. Like…. An untended to desire… a unfulfilled lust… a really bad boner in a place where you can't get rid of it… you get the idea.  
  
(3) Uke- the opposite of Seme. Bottom. The one with the seme's …AHEM, that's all you need to know. This is NOT a lemon! *blush*  
  
TTFN, folks, see you next time on….. And Again With The Scenario's! 


End file.
